Its an uphill battle...

Unfortunately. *sigh* I haven't talked to Neil since Wednesday. That's hard. Not talking to your best friend? Yeah. But... Thursday night I went to Veronica's- she was Neil's foster sister for a year and half, is a few years older than either of us, and has a little(r) sister my age living with her now, who doesn't know anyone in the area. Last I had seen Veronica, I told her I'd come by when Mayra came, because I have been looking for new friends and wanted to get to know Mayra better anyway- I'd only met her once before, at Veronica's wedding. So anyway... Went over to Veronicas, cried a little, and talked a lot. I left feeling better than I had in a long time. Did I mention that Friday morning was the first morning I have woken up without crying immediately? Yay! I haven't cried again when I woke up still! It helped being around Veronica 1) because she reasssured me that I was not losing Neil and his family, I am family too and that will never change, even though Neil and my relationship has, and 2) because I had not felt as comfortable since the night we broke up until then. I went back again this weekend to watch movies, and stayed a night. I slept better last night than I have for the last two weeks. It was great. Veronica told me I look a lot stronger than I did three nights ago, and that was encouraging to hear. I feel a heck of a lot better. A lot of that is because now I am okay that Neil and I aren't together. I'm remembering that it was a mutual decision, and is really best, whether it changes in the future or not. That doens't mean I won't cry, miss him, or that it won't hurt. No matter what happens, we need out time. I'm trying to give him that, and not hope his mind changes when he's had enough time. I may lose my romantic relationship with him, but I'm not losing him as a person altogether- we'll still be friends later down the road, and I'm not losing the family I've gained through him. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade mine for anything, ANYTHING, but I'm a family kind of gal, and will take whatever extra family I can. I had just hoped I would be staring mine a little sooner! LOL Oh well. Life goes on. Some days are just harder than others.