How?

How does one get used to the idea that everything she has dreamed of and once thought she had is gone?
How does one let go of all those broken dreams?
How does one go on without making a fool of herself every day?

I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow, but I am still a mess. Neil was so much a part of me, and now that he is gone I ...


Can you tell I'm having a really hard time with this? I mean, three months shy of three years, everything was going great and now...

I know I'm young, and things will change, I might find someone, but thinking about that doesn't help me at all right now. Right now I'm just trying to get used to the idea that I've lost my best friend, the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and everything that that entailed. I'm so overwhelmed by that right now I can't get to anything else. This huge chunk of my heart has been ripped out and I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone that cares about me is really far away, and I'm lost.