Today... Might possibly be the worst day of my life.

So far. Yes I know its not even 7 am. I spent half of last night crying, unable to sleep. Neil has come to some conclusions, and we need to talk. The possibility of him breaking up with me is tearing my heart. I don't know what I will do. This whole time I have looked at him as if I were looking upon the man I will marry. Granted, I have never expected or believed the whole marraige thing will happen for a few more years- I know that I won't be ready for quite a while. But it seems he doesn't feel the same way about me, and all of his reasons are goals that I have set for myself to accomplish. He admits that if and when I can reach the goals, for myself, to make myself a better person and be happier, again, for myself, he might feel differently. But as it stands at this moment, he doesn't see that happening...

I can't stand this... I won't know until tonight what he wants to do. He's going to come for lunch, but we won't talk about it during the day. I don't know how I'm going to handle that. It kills me to think that I am going to lose him... Losing him will definitely help me push my job search forward- I don't think I could handle working that close to him- he's right across the street. For a while, I'll be avoiding everything that reminds me with him. At least, until I can come to peace with what is happening.

God give me the strength to get through this...