It could be so much worse...

I'm so happy right now...

Besides my head pounding, for the fourth day in a row, and having no money, I'm completely happy. I'm not sure I could be happier.

Sure, I lost what I thought was the love of my life not even a month ago, but honestly, I was crying about that for a week, and then I woke up and realized I've cried all the tears I could have cried and what is there to be sorry about? We didn't end on bad terms, still want to be friends, just not right now. We both have excellent futures ahead of us.

But looking back at all that has happened within the last year, I can't see anything but positives. I was put in an uncomfortable situation, but got myself out of it and now live in a great apartment in a decent and safe location with two awesome roomates who are completely mature and responsible, far beyond our years. My mom was diagnosed with a horrible form of cancer that has a high death rate, but it was caught earlier, and treated early, and she's doing great. She is a huge inspiration to me, and I know a lot of my own strength is thanks to her.

Yeah, my car needs a lot of work (almost needed more- I hit a ladder on the freeway on my way into work this morning, but no damage to my car- thankfully! *Thanks God, for watching over me there...*), I have a long way to go in school yet, my finances are out of wack and I thought I had these migranes undercontrol, but now I'm not so sure. But what can a girl do besides look at the positives. My car still runs, and should continue to do so for a while. I am not slacking off in school, and have a goal in sight that I'm working towards. And, while I've been hit with headaches since Saturday, they're not as bad as they were a few months ago, and I should be able to go to school tonight. More of an angry pain- you know, the kind that hurts, but not sharp and numbing enough to knock you down so you just get mad because you can't do anything
about it... I don't know if thats better or worse!

I am so proud of myself right now, that I can't be anything but happy. I have a hard time believing that I've gotten "over" Neil this fast, but the more I wonder if I am really "over" him, the more certain I am that I've truly gotten myself past it. Yeah, I still miss some of the things about our relationship, but I know that the reasons I've been happier these past few months than I have the past few years is not because I was with him, but because of who I've become. And who I am becoming still.