Happy Birthday Sis...

Because today, Tawnya would be 22, and I am in that sort of mood, I am addressing this to her...

Has it really been four years? I cannot believe its been four years. Almost. I guess there is still two weeks between now and the day you died, isn't there. Wow. Rachelle is going to be 13, and I bet you know how big she is now. Last I heard, she's been into volleyball at the middle school, but I've been horrible at keeping in touch with the family.
I said I wasn't going to let today bring me down. I said I wasn't going to cry... But I can't help but think of all the things you're missing, and all of us that are left here missing you. I guess I haven't thought of it in a while, and now that its your birthday, its all I can think of. It doesn't help that its that time again... you know.
I miss our inside jokes. I miss our songs. I miss camping, laughing, and picking on certain cowboys. I haven't had a friend, no, I haven't had a sister like you since, and I probably never will again. There's still a hole in my heart that hasn't completely healed.
Last year, on my way home, they played your and dad's song, and I had just requested one of ours- they played them back to back... I turned the stereo up, and just sang along. When I got home, I grabbed a drink, went to Dad, and toasted to you.
I have finally gotten past picking up the phone to call you when I want to talk to someone, but I haven't gotten past missing such a great friend. So much else has changed, its hard to know what to tell you. If you were standing in front of me, you would know. You were always able to read me, especially when no one else could.
Mom looks great. You should see her. You would be so proud of her. And Dad's back has gotten a lot better. Its still hard though, to go up to the house and see everyone. I haven't talked to them since before Christmas, and now there's even more to keep Mom updated on.
I am so glad that I was able to see you before you died. I know you heard me, even if you couldn't say anything back. I will always be thankful to my mom for making that trip happen. If not, I never would have been able to say goodbye. I wish I could have been there when you finally let go, but I know we will meet again. And we'll go back to the ocean, camp on the dunes, and have a nice long talk. That will be a great day... I love you.