Honestly now....

My mom's CA125 levels have leveled off... They're going to do a PET scan to see if that helps figure out why they are not going down any more.

Today has been a good day, and I did something today I have not done in quite a while. I used to write poetry all the time, though I've never been one to write about the forests and oceans unless they were related to a dream or scenario in my mind. So, today you get to see a side of me few others see... As long as you promise not to laugh.


The looming shadow
Slowly surrounds my heart
Bringing with it a feeling of despair
Knowing neither that I am doing something wrong
Nor what the shadow truly means
I am without answers, without comfort

The shadow lingers now and then,
Rarely surrounding the inner channels of my heart
Though when it starts seeping in
It pours
Staining the fabric of my inner being
Like Merlot on a white carpet

Once removed, the remanants of the stain
Still linger like unwanted guests at the worst moment
"That" time impeding the much anticipated wedding night

This feeling of dread I cannot shake
Wanting to help but held captive behind
A panel of soundproof glass
Through which I can neither be heard nor felt
But can only watch the loved on the other side
Exist as if I never had

Deep calming breaths only bring the shadow closer
Excited hurried breaths still don’t send it away
This thing that once was a beatable obstacle
Slowly crashes down again
The unbreakable pillar being broken slowly from within

Out of reach, out of sight,
Recognizable only with more invasion
What will the answer be this time.

Time is a concept I can only begin to grasp
How long one has to spend with another
Is never a choice of ours
Circumstances out of our control

I would not wish to know the time and place
But do not want to withstand another drastic loss
As the shadow draws closer,
Sometimes looming, sometimes
Like water down the drain
Swirling, carried by the force of gravity
To a place one cannot see

While weighing on my heart like an elephant on a mouse tail.


Not as cheerfull as mine usually are, but I sure feel better after writing that.